0808; I can't stop thinking about him

I hope someday he'll understand about what I actually feel for him. I hope he'll realize there's a girl, who's totally in love with him, who will wait for him even though she knows he'll never come, yeah she is me.

Im sitting here in the dark, thinking about him, and miss him like hell, after he left. I feel so all alone. No one can fill the emptiness that my heart feels, simply because everyone means 'not him'.

He's gone. And now Im still waiting for him to come back. I don't care which place he'll choose to go, I just know there's only a place for him to go back, it's me. Maybe he's on the way back to me or maybe he likes his new place so he decides to go back later... But I believe that one day, in a special moment, he'll come back, won't he?

I know that the things are not the way I wished it to be, but I hope it's the way it has to be...

Maybe he has no idea how much I like him, how much he makes me smile, how much I love to talk to him, or how much I wish he was here, that's why he leaves me alone.

I remember, once, he said that he'd never leave me, he said he'd always be here by my side, but I think those are just his fake hopes. guess what!!! He has never proved it, never. But I... I don't know why the hell Im still deeply in love with him, after all the fuckin' things that he did to me.

For sure, it's quite difficult, to get him outta my mind, it takes a life time...

I don't care what they've said about him. Cuz there's something about him that Im scared to lose, cuz I know I won't find it in anyone else. Cuz the happiness that I feel every time he's here. Cuz he makes me laugh when I feel like Im gonna fall apart. Cuz I love that smile of him that lights up my day, even when Im the most saddest.

Sometimes, I still hope, someday, somewhere, he'll come to take me out from this nightmare, and we'll be together forever... Just like Rapunzel and Eugine :')

He's not my favorite mistake, He's just a simple regret...

Dari mulai dia minta nmr hape gue, alesannya apa? Supaya gampang ngajak chat msn. Ngga usah chat msn kali, setiap hari aja gue udah smsan sama dia. Lucu bgt sih cara dia ngibul.

Sampe gue ngelaluin hari-hari bahagia gue, yg ternyata perlahan-lahan dan tanpa gue sadari menyiksa hati gue. Gue bego. Gue ngga peka. Awalnya gue sama sekali ngga ada fikiran kalo gue dan dia bakalan berakhir kayak gini.

Gue fikir dia baik. Gue fikir dia ngga kayak cowok-cowok lain, yg iseng doang datang dan pergi di kehidupan gue, yg akhirnya cuma ninggalin kenangan kenangan bodoh. Sebenernya sih dia punya perasaan, dia juga mikirin perasaan gue. Buktinya dia perhatian sama gue. Buktinya dia takut kalo gue marah sama dia, dia berusaha minta maaf.

Jadi yg salah itu siapa? GUE!!! Gue yg salah ngerti apa yg dia mau. Gue fikir dia sayang sama gue, tulus, kayak gue sayang sama dia.  Tapi ternyata? Di mata dia gue cuma seorang cewek gampangan yg dengan begonya dia jadiin pelampiasan.

Gue bukan apa-apa atau siapa-siapa!! Gue cuma tempat dimana dia bisa dengan luasnya melampiaskan perasaan-perasaan kesel dan sedihnya. Padahal gue udah berharap banyak sama dia. Gue udah terlanjur menyayangi dia.

Tapi ini tetep keputusan gue. Walaupun gue sakit, pelan-pelan, gue akan coba untuk ninggalin dia, lupain semua kenangan itu.

Gue minta maaf. Maaf bgt kalo selama ini gue berbatas. Maaf bgt selama ini gue ngga bisa selalu ada di samping dia disaat dia butuh. Maaf kalo gue sering ngebuat dia ngambek. Maaf gue ngga bisa jadi seperti apa yg dia mau.

Maaf gue ngga bisa dengerin semua curhatan dia. Gue ngga kuat. Di saat dia bilang kalo dia sayang sama cewek lain, dia memuji cewek lain, sebenernya gue sakit. Sakit bgt. Tapi dia ngga tau. Dia ngga pernah tau kalo sebenernya gue udah ngelewatin malam-malam gue dengan kesedihan, dengan tangisan. Gue mikirin dia. Gue kangen dia. Tapi gue cuma bisa melampiaskan perasaan galau gue itu dengan menangis. Karena gue tau mau gimana pun juga dia tetep ngga perduli sama gue. Gue tetep jadi yg kedua, Gue tetep ngga bisa gantiin posisinya cewek itu di hati gue. Gue tau.

Sampe suatu saat gue sadar kalo gue ngga bisa kayak gini terus. Gue sadar walaupun gue bahagia karena dia yg perhatian sama gue, dia yg manggil gue 'sayang', ternyata gue disakiti.

Disamping itu semua gue tau kalo dia ngga serius. Dia ngga pernah ngasih gue penjelasan tentang hubungan gue sama dia. Gue ngga bisa kayak gini terus., gue ngga mau semakin terluka. Gue butuh kepastian. Gue bukan cewek gampangan, seperti apa yg dia kira.

Yap, walaupun gue setengah hati, walaupun gue sakit, walaupun susah bangeeeet , gue tau ini yg terbaik buat gue dan dia.

"Makasih yaa, makasih bgt lo udah ngasih begitu banyak pelajaran untuk gue, makasih lo udah ngajarin gue gimana caranya untuk menjadi dewasa, makasih atas perhatian lo ke gue selama ini. Daaaah!"